Mrs. Writes-a-Latte

Read Part 1 of this series HERE.

---

Sunday, June 26, 2022

From Part 1

Anyway, I am now on Step 2 of the Ask-Believe-Receive strategy – Believing. The popular word these days to define such a thing would be ‘manifestation’ so you might see those words rightly used interchangeably, much unlike the pledge-donate fiasco.

But no matter what fancy words I use, I know what it really is.

HYPERFIXATION!

The only good thing in the shit-storm of ADHD symptoms, and even that depends on circumstances.

Executive Dysfunction? Catastrophic!
Emotional Dysregulation? Horrific!
Sensory Sensitivity? Annoying!!
Poor working memory? Ooof, bad!
Stimming? Weeeeird!!
Hyperfocus?? Ahhh, JACK-fucking-POT!!

And Gloucestershire is my latest.

Part 2

I cannot stop thinking, talking, researching, or dreaming about it and THAT is probably just the thing I need to manifest this, to make this a reality.

See, having ADHD does have some ‘dope’ advantages!

Ah, the irony, though!

Anyway, luckily for everyone in my life, Sandeep and I have decided to keep this to ourselves until this is a sure thing which means I’m not talking someone’s ear off about this, except his, LOL! When we move (notice, I didn’t use the word “if”), it’s going to be a clean break – not just from the life here, but from my old patterns, behaviours, and habits.

We will start small because that’s what logistics and finances will allow but that will also make it easier to keep the house clean and clutter-free. I will be extremely conscious about what we buy, again, made easier thanks to the tight budget. As we will be renting, to begin with, we will clean regularly. Sandeep and I have always been extra careful about maintaining rented homes. But our own, meh, we can do whatever we want!

Ordering takeout is expensive in the UK, so I will have to get my act together and cook. The good thing though is that there are services available there that’ll make living with ADHD easier, like a meal service where you get pre-cut, pre-proportioned ingredients to make a fresh meal (Hello, Hello Fresh! I’m looking forward to trying this out.) All you have to do is cook and that takes about 20-30 minutes depending on the dish. As Monica says, “A monkey could’ve made ‘em!”

If services like this one are already available in India, I have no idea how I haven’t heard about them yet! I am aware that many online grocery stores do sell cleaned and cut veggies, and I have used those. Concepts like Hello Fresh are entirely different though. They help circumvent every single hurdle Executive Dysfunction causes in the ‘planning and cooking a meal’ process. And while that may be slightly more expensive in absolute terms compared to buying groceries, when you compare it with the ADHD tax of trying to do the entire prep work yourself, it does turn out to be cheaper.

I’ll talk about executive dysfunction especially in relation to cooking and the associated ADHD tax in another chapter in detail because just a paragraph isn’t enough to fully appreciate the havoc it can wreak, but for now, I can see that there are ways available, easily, to combat these struggles.

I’ll also rope Sandeep in with some chores because he will be home by 6 pm on most days. Work-life balance is a real thing there. This also means that he will officially be in charge of bedtime, for both kids once Latte is weaned or if she can fall asleep without nursing. That will give me at least 1-2 hours off without tending to the kids at the end of the day because those are the most tiring ones, and it’s even harder if you’re already tired from dealing with defiant and determined little tykes all day.

While he handles them I’ll handle the rest of the chores and get the house in order downstairs (because there’ll be an upstairs and a garden… ooooh, maybe I’ll start gardening…) and we will have the rest of the evening to ourselves after we devour a fresh, home-cooked meal.

Some nights it’ll be date night at home, some nights I’ll step out, alone. Maybe I’ll join a dance class, or learn pottery, maybe I’ll meet some friends for a late coffee or dinner because I plan on having a social life there. Once every few months we’ll hire a babysitter and maybe go up to London for a proper dinner date just because we can. Garden parties in the summer, play dates with kids, going to Paris for our anniversary – ALL of these are REAL possibilities.

And the difficult phase that I’m in at present is only a matter of another 2 years or so until Latte turns 3 years old and can be sent off to Kindergarten for half a day for FREE, yay for State Schools! Also, this way I also get to have the kids study in IGCSE board, kinda, just sayin’. And then I can have half a day completely child-free to do whatever the F I want. Maybe I’ll finally finish High School Never Ends, and Parts 2 and 3 of that as well. Maybe I’ll also finish the other books I have left halfway! There’s so much I can do!

Sounds like I have this, right?

I am great at making plans and this time I HAVE a plan. A SOLID one, at that. I feel much better about the future. It seems bright, clean, Pinterest-worthy. I know how to be organised, duh, but I just have to be more organised, and learn how not to fall into the dreaded loop of ‘unproductive because clutter’ and ‘clutter because unproductive’.

That’s easy, right?

WRONG! Ugh, So naive!

You’d have to be Neurotypical to believe that!

Is it simple? Yes, sure.

Easy?

Not for me. Not for any of us with ADHD.

‘But you have a plan! Even the simple non-calendar-like structure above sounds like this is going to be great! Then why won’t it happen? Are you that pessimistic, Nikita? That’s bound to set you up for failure! In fact, I’m convinced that it’s this ‘negativity’ that’s keeping you from achieving your goals!’ is what you might be thinking.

Well, that’s a load of bollocks! (Hey, look at me getting on with the British lingo and everything!)

Why, you ask?

Because this is not the first time I have had this internal self-talk. And I know this won’t be the last.

Every time I’m at a crossroads where things aren’t going as planned – whether it is my day or a new habit, or a new project that’s spread over a few weeks, I tell myself to let go this time. Let things go on the way they are, and NEXT TIME I will do better.

NEXT TIME I will keep things organised.
NEXT TIME I will do a better job at meal planning; at planning in general.
NEXT TIME I will be more regular at cooking food at home.
NEXT TIME the house will be clutter-free.
NEXT TIME I will make AND follow a cleaning schedule.
NEXT TIME I will find time to write every day.

“LIES!” I hear a voice inside my head scream every time I finish a thought that starts with ‘next time.’

I know it is my own because this is a storyline that has been played before.

And its most recent rendition was in March 2020.

To be continued…
Read Part 3 HERE