As of yesterday, I’ve been married for three whole months; a quarter of a year, and so much has changed since that day in February when I was giddy about marrying my best friend. I have a whole new perspective on life and love and my relationship with my husband, which also has changed in the past three months.
Not that anyone asked, but I’m going to share my two cents about love & marriage; especially on love after marriage. Being married for three months sure does qualify me to make statements like that. And not be questioned for making them.
It’s faint but I remember what it felt like to be in love when we weren’t married. The initial few days were the best. I stayed up thinking about the conversations we had had, giggling to myself; I had butterflies in my stomach every time we were about to meet, especially in those first few seconds after we just met; the wait for a phone call, long conversations – it was all amazing. Thinking about how we could spend every day with each other once we were married, not having to meet in coffee shops for a few hours and then rush back home because it was getting late, was exciting to think about. ‘Think of all the money we’ll save by eating in, instead of out,’ I used to tell him.
While all of that still holds good and there is still a whole lot of love in our new home, the nature of that love (for lack of a better explanation) has changed.
Before we were married, I would be overwhelmed by things like a thoughtful message in the middle of a busy day, impromptu plans to meet, little surprise gifts, or a surprise visit. But when you live together and see and talk to each other everyday, things change. For one, you can’t pay your spouse a surprise visit because you live together; unless you decide to walk into his office or he decides to show up at home in the middle of day, disrupting each others’ schedule.
Anyway, I was saying things changed after we got married. Especially the first few days (or weeks) because let me tell you, no matter how long you’ve known each other (seventeen years, in my case) there’ll be moments of extreme love and feeling I-can’t-believe-I’m-actually-married-to-the-man-I-love, there will also be moments when you’ll feel like pulling each others’ hair out. You may not feel like that all the time, but they’ll be there, giving you a reality check very now and then, reminding you that this is real life and not a fairy tale or a movie.
Things that will prompt such a feeling towards your significant other will be significantly insignificant things that the husband does. He could leave his shoes closer to the couch than away from it. Or he could be on the couch all evening watching the IPL and make you get the water bottle from the fridge when you’re busy fixing dinner. Or he could do the unthinkable and dare to snore slightly in the night for five seconds when you’re reading just before going to bed.
But don’t worry. All isn’t lost. This doesn’t mean that the love is all gone, because believe me, when he sees that you’re almost in tears because stupid DTDC does not have Tiruchirapalli’s pincode in their database and says they will deliver to some other location which is God-knows-how-far-away from where you intend for it to reach and that meant that the card that you took pains to make will not get delivered on time because it is already past 8.30 PM and it’s late to send something out that day; he will prove his love by walking all the way from Saki Naka to Chandivali to find another service provider that will deliver at the address that you want and he will reach there before 9 PM even though he left the house at 8.40 and make sure that the package goes out that very night and is delivered on time.
THAT, my friends, is true love. Once you are married, big gestures like expensive gifts, fancy dinners, grand vacations, branded clothes, bags and shoes, jewellery mean nothing when compared to things like these.
When your husband walks two kilometers in the summer heat when he’s already spent the whole day in office and is hungry and tired, it just proves that he would do anything to keep you happy, and that is true love. Saying, “We can go out to eat today if you’re not in the mood to cook,” just by looking at your face; is true love. Not making a fuss about you watching Modern Family and missing the first 30 minutes of the IPL match for that day, is true love. Buying ‘Scotland Yard’ (that you’ve wanted to play for a loooong time) for your birthday instead of ‘Monopoly’ (that he wanted;) is true love. Being okay with you watching Modern Family again in the morning or America’s Funniest Home Videos while having tea, while secretly wishing he was watching VH1, is true love. Making you laugh by saying things like “Are you telling the world how careless your husband is?” (referring to the loss of his wallet this morning) when you tell him that you’re blogging about him; is true love.
Sure it’s not a fairy tale story or exactly the way it used to be before, but it’s fun, especially because it’s nothing like it used to be before. And I love it. I love how our love has changed since we got married.
It’s just a matter of getting used to things. Once you get past the Oh-I-could-kill-him stage (and that takes around two to two and a half months :P) it’ll all be good again.
P.S. Now there’s a very good chance I may have fretted over my package all night and may have not ventured into the kitchen if it hadn’t shipped on time and the thought that there’d be no dinner that night could have scared him and he may have walked all that distance just for the sake of dinner, but that is very unlikely. I’m pretty sure he did it for love. 😛
Mrs. Writes-a-Latte 